Now is the time

Now is the time

So many of us are single and crying for a spouse, a partner, someone to complete half our Deen. But the real question is whether or not, we have completed the other half ourselves? Why are we so desperate to have someone come in and tell us our worth? We are so much more than other people’s words, or our weight, or the amount of likes we get on social media.

That is getting off topic, but my point is that your self-worth is not dependent on anyone else’s love. But, the real message for this blog post is that Ramadaan is the time for us to supplicate and beg Allah to improve ourselves, to make us better people and better humans. If we truly want to marry someone else, we have to make sure that we are able to be the type of person we would want to marry.

You want someone who is religious? But, are you religious?

You want someone who prays? But, do you pray?

You want someone who is able to help you become a better person, but what if you need to be the one who has to help your spouse? Are you able to step up to be that person? If not, start now. The month is not yet over, pray it all out.

Ask Allah for the guidance and strength to make you a better person. To make you the person you need to be for your spouse.  But enough about you.

Make dua for your spouse. That he/ she is the person you need, not always want. Because sometimes what you need is not necessarily what you want. That is because Allah gives you what is best for you, in that situation and to help you in the future. The test that you are going through today is to help you for the things you have prayed for.

Pray for a spouse that is first and foremost Allah fearing. For if they are Allah fearing they will not treat you badly. Allah fearing also means that even if they lose interest in you, they will not treat you badly.

Pray for a spouse that will be a light in your life.

Pray for a spouse that will advise you in all times.

Pray for a spouse that is your pillar of strength in times of need.

You need to pray for a spouse that will remain faithful to you.

You need to pray for someone that will help improve you, while you also help to improve them.

You need to focus on yourself, but also to pray for the exact type of guy you want.

Life is no fairytale. So praying for someone who is driving Ferrari’s and Porche’s and Land Rovers etc, and someone who has millions in their bank accounts, a mansion and some exotic holiday house, and to still have a stellar personality, is highly unrealistic. Not to mention that people will always ask and pray for someone who is good looking.

That in itself is one of the shallowest things you could find. Looks mean nothing other than attraction. Looks only pull you towards a person. But I can take an oath and say that nothing interests me more than a person’s brains and personality, despite their outward looks.

But if you do happen to find someone who is such a prince / princess, Alhamdulillah. I am very happy for you, but please do remember that this world, this Dunya is not for perfection, that is what Jannah is for. So, with that in mind, remember that perfection is an illusion and illusions shatter.

Ramadaan judgments passed down

Ramadaan Judgments passed down

First and foremost, who died and left you in charge? Really, this post goes out to everyone who makes some or other judgment about a person who changes in Ramadaan. So what if the girl who smokes and hangs out with boys every other day wears scarf in Ramadaan and clothing that covers up? So what if the boy who is always chasing girls and racing in the streets decides to go to the Masjid for more than just the Jummah prayers?

I reiterate, who died and left you in charge?

Why do you find it necessary to come and belittle them? Why do you find it necessary to look down on them and judge them? Who gave you the right to call them ‘Ramadaan Muslims’? You, who only reads the Quraan during Ramadaan cover to cover. What makes you any more different than they are?

If they chose to live such a lifestyle, do not belittle them in public. Do not berate them. You are not in any position to judge. You are supposed to be a helping hand, a guiding limb. You are one small part of the nation, of the people of Islam, yet you would want to be the thorn in the shoe that causes the entire body pain. Why do you find it necessary to be hurtful? To be so distasteful? Why can we not all be a generous nation? Why are we so scared to help? There is nothing wrong with trying to be helpful, and kind to someone. But no, people think that generosity and kindness and being loving and helpful is demeaning and degrading. Of course, they would prefer to be known is cruel and heartless.

They would rather bring down someone, rather than help them up to compete with them.

NO!

If someone is trying to make a difference in their life, let them. Help them. Why is it that we always try so hard to make the other person look like the lesser person? If anything, it just shows who weak of a person you are!

You know, I always find it terrible that when a girl decides to turn her life around, people stand at every free spot they can in her life, and make it more miserable and difficult for her. Like for example, if she decides to wear abaya and / or scarf full time, people will suddenly start making comments about her.

“Oh, now she’s acting holy?”

“I wonder what happened. So suddenly she changed and became holy.”

“Oh no, I heard one boy’s family didn’t like her because she wasn’t dressed properly.”

“Are you telling me that she started dressing properly to impress a boy’s family? So desperate they must be!”

Now, catty little old aunties. Why must you make life so hard for the poor girl? You are all just making assumptions. You do not know what she had to suffer through, you do not know her journey, her destination. You cannot make baseless claims on her imaan, on her level of belief.

You are human too, do not forget that. Today you point out her mistakes and weaknesses and faults. Tomorrow, it may be your faults, weaknesses and mistakes that are pointed out. Or worst yet, some who you love or know, whose weaknesses and mistakes and faults that may be pointed out.

Rudeness in Ramadaan, unchanging attitudes

Rudeness in Ramadaan, unchanging attitudes

So, last night I had an altercation with one man. Thankfully it was online, or else things might have gotten a lot more out of hand. Now, anyone that knows me will know that I have a low tolerance for patronising me because I am a female, and an even lower tolerance for female inferiority. However, one…man –please note that I am using that word very, very loosely –had done both of those things in the space of an hour.

It started with the infamous and frankly annoying, yet highly entertaining whatsapp family group we have. The man ‘X’ told one of my uncles that he is stupid to let his sister tell him to shut up, and had he, ‘X’, been in my uncle’s position he would have smacked his sister for being so disrespectful.

My thought at that point was, ‘Well, that isn’t abusive at all.’

I admit that I am a very sarcastic person with an even shorter temper, so seeing something like that and managing to keep quiet was quite an achievement. Now, at that point, my uncle seemed absolutely flabbergasted at X’s flippant attitude of smacking his sisters, and he told X that  respect is earned.

So, my mother is much like me with her inability to hold in her thoughts and she told X nonsense as well. She echoed my thought about smacking his sisters to be abusive and she also told him that she would have hit him back if she was his sister and he smacked her.

But the idiot tried to defend himself by saying that even thought he smacked his loud mouthed sisters before, they still remain a happy and loving family. (Yeah, right. Frankly, nonsense in my eyes.) He continued to say that he doesn’t have older brothers, but he respects his cousins.

To which my mother told him that she was the eldest and she held just as much respect for her younger cousins as they do for her. So, once again he tried to justify his abusive ways of smacking his sisters, albeit he kept doing it in a cocky ass manner.

At this point I was seething, but I had made no comment, yet.

So, once again, my mother went on and typed a long message to him and told him that he is in denial if he thinks that slapping his sisters would bring about a change in their attitude and would help, since of course violence does not help at all. Then, ever the sarcastic woman, she typed and told him that if he believes that violence ‘lulls him into a false sense of security and helps him to sleep at night, then he should go on fooling himself.’

But then, he had a bigger mouth which did not help his case at all, and I stepped in. my anger could clearly be shown –or transmitted –in the texts I sent to him.

“Look, first and foremost there are no Islamic grounds to hit women. If Rasoolullah SAW never hit any of his wives or daughters what gives any other man that right? Admonishing her and lightly beating her with a silken strap. Allowed. But no smacking like cheap things.”

Then, immediately after that I sent another message.

“If the Khulafah never hit their wives, or daughters, what gives you any right?”

He then simply replied, ‘True that’ and carried on keeping quiet. But I wasn’t done. I was still seething, but I had to contain it. It is the month of Ramadaan and I had aspired to be a better person this month with lasting effects.

“Hafsa RA was the daughter of Umar RA, the man with the worst temper, and his daughter had a big mouth yet Rasoolullah SAW stayed married to her because Allah said that she was a pious woman and that is more important that her personality or her nature. Including her big mouth.”

Okay, so before I go any further, if you do not have a bit of background knowledge this would make no sense whatsoever to you.

Firstly, who are the Khulafah?

Well, the Khulafah –E-Rashideen are the rightly guided successors of the Prophet (peace be upon him). SO, after the Prophet (peace be upon him) passed away it was decided that someone amongst the Muslims lead them and the first successor, Abu Bakr As Siddeeq was chosen, and likewise each of the four rightly guided successors were chosen.

So, who were the four rightly guided successors?

1. Abu Bakr As Siddeeq.
2. Umar ibn Al Khattaab
3. Uthmaan ibn Affaan
4. Ali ibn Abi Talib

Then, on to my third message to X. Hafsa RA, was the daughter of Umar Ibn Al Khattaab. After the death of her first husband at 18, she was married to the final Prophet (peace be upon him) of Allah. Now, Hafsa was much like her father, hot headed and short tempered and a ‘big mouth’ in modern day terms. However, she was also a very virtuous lady. She prayed daily, without fail. She fasted not only obligatory fasts, but also just because she wanted to fast for the sake of Allah and for His pleasure alone. Because she often went head to head with the Prophet (peace be upon him), he grew tired of it and wished to divorce her, but Allah had sent down the angel Jibra’eel (Gabriel) to tell him not to divorce her because she is such a virtuous woman with outstanding spirituality and modesty, despite her shortcomings.

Now, that alone tells you of the virtues of being a virtuous person. There is no other reward for being good, other than good. And, being a Muslim girl in a western world, I am proud to have such great role models to look up to. It is astounding how much Islam had raised the dignity and status of women.

But anyhow, back to X and his ignorant ways, after that message he told me that I was taking things out of context and blowing them out of proportion since he had not done any of it in an abusive way.

Once again, my argumentative side as well as protective side won out.  He was arguing in an arrogantly and cocky manner, but I was sent to those expensive rich girl type schools. I could turn into that high class, high maintenance girls in the snap of a finger. (Come on guys, don’t judge. You have to learn to adapt to survive, or else you don’t make it!) I could go from African Cady Heron to Queenbee Regina George in a blink!

I typed out a furious reply, although it may not seem like it, but my hands were shaking form anger (ANGER! I tell you, not the cold or anything!)

“Under South African law, if a slight push constitutes assault. What do you think a smack would constitute?”

And at that point I was receiving figurative standing ovations and awards for my smart aleck remarks to that cocky man. But, that ass then tells me, “Well if someone reports me then I would have to answer, now wouldn’t I?”

Now, you see, it is people like that who gets my blood boiling and make me want to go on cleansing sprees. I swear, I wish there was some way to re-educate people on how to be better human beings. Why does being kind have to cost so much of attitude? Why can’t people be better people? Do you want change in the world? Well, start being a better person. Start being a better YOU!

It is Ramadaan, oh Muslim people. Lose the arrogance, and I promise you, you will feel much, much better. Ramadaan is about spiritual cleansing, purifying the soul and mind and body, not about holding on to your old habits. This is the month to change your attitude about life and your relationships. It is about becoming a better you.

Ramadaan Virtues

Ramadaan virtues

Assalaamu Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu ~May the peace and blessings of Allah (God) be upon you

As I learned in Madressah (an after school class for learning Islam), I am using everything from there to write this blog post. Granted it is delayed, but hopefully what I am about to part, will be useful to even one person.

Fasting in Islam is referred to as ‘Saum’, although I will not use that word. Now, there are benefits alone for just fasting, and there are benefits for the month of Ramadaan as well.

So, what are the virtues of just fasting?

Simple.

• Suhail (May Allah be pleased with him) narrates that Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) said: ‘Jannah (paradise) has eight doors. The name of one of them is ‘Raihan’ and only the fasting person will enter Jannah through it.” ~Bukhari, Muslim

1.  

Okay, so backtrack for a bit there. Just for fasting alone, as Muslim, we get to enter paradise. Through a special door! Isn’t that alone enough to make you want to fast? No? Then, here is another virtue of fasting.

 

• Abu Saeed (May Allah be pleased with him) reports from Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him): “Whoever keeps a single fast in the path of Allah, Allah will place Hell to a distance of 70 years away from him.”

Well, I don’t know about you, but that is enough reason for me to fast without a single complaint. Who wouldn’t want Hell at a distance of 70 years away from them? I don’t know, but Islam to me, has truly made every effort to keep you away from Hell. There is just one act completely despicable that guarantees you a direct ticket to Hell, do not pass begin and do not even attempt to use your redemption card –and that is suicide.

Suicide –gosh I have tons to say on that matter and it makes me emotional as a shipwreck, but it is a topic for another day. I have personal experience with that, but of course it is not for me to talk about.

But reigning myself in back to the virtues of Ramadaan.

• Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) said: “The reward of every virtue increases from 10 to 70 fold. Allah says ‘Fasting is an exception to this rule. Fasting is solely for me. I will give its reward Myself. The servant has left his desires for Me’. There are two joys for the fasting person: one at the time of iftaar (dusk time when the fast is broken) and the other at the time of meeting his Lord. The smell of the fasting person’s mouth is better than the smell of musk in the sight of Allah. Fasting is a shield against sin and Hell.”

1. ~ Bukhari and Muslim

 

• “In the first night the Satan and rebellious Jinn are chained, the doors of Hell are closed and the doors of Jannah are open until the end of Ramadaan.  A caller from Allah proclaims ‘O seekers of good, go forth and O seekers of evil, stop.’ Allah frees many from Hell and this happens nightly.”

1. ~Tirmidhi, Bukhari and Muslim.

Just looking at those two long hadiths, I am stunned.  The virtues are immense. Heaven and Hell. One open until late and the other closed down? Brilliant! Like that gives you enough motivation to do it and to want to do it too!

Anyhow, I have lots of working pending! I have to go. Keep us all in your prayers, especially those who are oppressed.

Ramadaan

Assalaamu Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu ~May the peace and blessings of Allah (God) be upon you.

As this new month –Ramadaan, the ninth month of the Islamic calendar –dawns on us, I firstly ask for your forgiveness, if I have hurt you in anyway. I ask for your forgiveness if I have said anything or done anything that has hurt you directly or indirectly, whether or not I have done so intentionally or unintentionally, or posted anything that was offensive to you.

Anyway, what with me being on holiday now I hope to do a little spreading of my Ramadaan plans here. However, as the eldest child and only daughter, I have a lot of responsibilities in our home. Typically, we would have prepared the savouries for the night on the day and prepare a little extra for the upcoming days. This year, however, I was on holiday for about 12 days before we started fasting so I was able to get a lot of the savouries done before the start of Ramadaan.

This means that I will spend a lot more time reading the Quraan, learning some Hadith (sayings and advice of the last prophet, Muhammad peace be upon him) and hopefully, I will get some time done to do some tafseer (learning the explanation of the translation of the Quraan). What each of this means, is that I will be dedicating some of my time to learning more of my Deen (religion).

My plan is to at least post thrice a week, on something that I have learnt, or done in the week. Last year, I learned about Nikkah –marriage –and what are a woman’s duties, her role, her personality and the like. Although I never thought of sharing it, I definitely will do it this year, this Ramadaan. I will share it in some later post, however, that post will not count as a post for the week. I will try to keep the posts to a Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. I hope that in somehow, it will be beneficial to someone, somewhere in the world.

So, a couple of hadiths regarding fasting?

Yes, please.

• Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

When Ramadan enters, the gates of Paradise are opened, the gates of Hellfire are closed and the devils are chained. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Okay, pause for a second. Just think about that. The gates of hell are closed. Closed –as in there is no entry. As in shut. As in, you are not controlled by the whispers of the evil plots of Shaytaan, of Satan. As in you are in control of your own actions. That means that everything you do in this month is a habit of your own. That the evil desires and tendencies are leftover habits from you carrying them out for the last eleven months.

However, on the brighter side, the gates of paradise are opened. Anyone who is fortunate enough to pass away as a believer in the religion of Allah, goes immediately to paradise, to Jannah. How fortunate can you be? May I be granted such a fortunate death, Ameen.

• Abu Hurayrah reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

Every action a son of Adam does shall be multiplied—a good action by ten times its value, up to 700 times. Allah says: With the exception of fasting, which belongs to Me, and I reward it accordingly. For, one abandons his desire and food for My sake. 

There are two occasions of joy for a fasting person: one when he breaks his fast, and the other when he meets his Lord, and the (bad) breath (of a fasting person) is better in the sight of Allah than the fragrance of musk. (Al-Bukhari) 

Okay, like seriously, if you are Muslim and you do not fast, that two hadiths sum every single reason on why you should fast. Obviously, I am not picking on people that have legitimate reasons on not fasting, but those that are too lazy to fast. I read a ‘book’ on Wattpad –an Islamic one, mind you –and the leading boy is supposed to be a ‘bad boy’. However, I found it utterly frustrating that he had absolutely no respect for Islam, despite being everything you would want in a guy –if you did not know of his flaws. He did not fast during the month of Ramadaan and he went and called a girl over to the place where he was staying and well, he did ‘it’, however that wasn’t his first time either.

Like where is the logic in that? Then, it gets worse, he marries the most religious girl and she marries him, while knowing he is doing all those wrong things.

Okay, but like back to the Hadith. Imagine –nope, you can’t. You can’t imagine a reward that Allah Himself, tells you that He will give you. One small thing you do, and you are rewarded abundantly by the Lord of The World.  And that is just fasting alone. There are hundreds of thousands little things that you can do in the day whose reward goes from 10 to 70 and up to 700 for one deed.

ONE DEED.

A smile to a stranger.

Helping out someone.

Easing the burden of another person.

Reading Quraan.

Learning with the intention to gain reward.

The list is endless, therefore I could go on and on, but I guess you get the picture. But, it is time for me to go and get to learning something beneficial, not just for this world, but the Hereafter too.

Keep myself and my family too in your prayers, and also all of the people suffering at the hands of oppressors.

Wasalaam.