A letter to my mother

A LETTER TO MY MOTHER

 

My dear mother

 

 

 

For nine long and painful months you carried me, with silent complains. No one else can understand your pain except another mother. But then again, not everyone goes through the same pain, no matter how similar the situation.

 

Today and always, I want to thank you. I would never be the person I am without you. It is your decisions and choices that made me the person I am today. It was your help and encouragement that fed my dead willpower. It was your determination and strength that egged me on. It was your cheering at the sidelines that made me who I am today.

 

I know that the past is behind us and that even though it knocks and taps our shoulders that it is not a reason to look back, but if we don’t acknowledge it, we may never move forward.

In the past I have said things. Nasty things, painful things and the occasional sweet things. I apologize for all the hurt I have caused you. Knowing and unknowingly. Thinking back now and reflecting on it, makes me realize that often I have said things that I don’t mean, not to hurt you, but because I am in pain. 

 

Pain makes me a beast and makes me unleash the nasty within and that’s when I hurt you. I am sorry mummy, for being so mean to you. For hurting you when so many others do it as well. I am sorry for adding to your emotional pain when you have so many other things too. I am sorry that each time I say something I don’t mean, your heart breaks a little more. And yet, in spite of all of this that I do, you still love me.

 

It just shows that the only person we love, is the one we hurt all the time, the one we share secrets with and the one we complain to.

 

So today, I want to say I am sorry for the things I said when I was smaller. They were mean and nasty. This is all the words I want to say and can’t say.

 

And now I see why paradise lies under your feet.

 

I am sorry and I love you.

 

Love you always

 

Your daughter ❤

DOUBT

Doubt

 

 

I know why we doubt.

 

 

Firstly what is doubt? According to Wikipedia doubt is a status between belief and disbelief, involves uncertainty or distrust or lack of sureness of an alleged fact, an action, a motive, or a decision. Doubt brings into question some notion of a perceived “reality”, and may involve delaying or rejecting relevant action out of concerns for mistakes or faults or appropriateness. Some definitions of doubt emphasize the state in which the mind remains suspended between two contradictory propositions and unable to assent to either of them.

 

So why do we doubt? I think we doubt because we have placed an enormous amount of faith in a person and seeing or hearing one small piece of information, however true or untrue it is, we start to suddenly see that they aren’t as great as we thought them to be.

 

Now this is not the person’s fault, but our own. We have placed them on a pedestal and carved them out to be what we want them to be. We initially saw all their imperfections and accepted it, but over time, the small things they do make them seem otherworldly to us and we begin to place them on a high pedestal. Slowly, slowly, the mistakes creep in and we begin to question them, but only to ourselves and others, never the person that truly matters. So we doubt and make speculations and assumptions about a person that we once thought to be godly.

 

We start to see the cracks in what we made out to be perfection, not realizing that there is no such a thing as perfection. If there was, girls would be all over trying to be it!

 

So we doubt, we doubt this person and we suddenly start to think the lowest of them and then slowly the relationships starts to deteriorate. The small fights start, the trust fades and then slowly lies are told all because we never thought to just ask. We believe the doubts that we created and just accepted it without once thinking to ask if it was true.

 

 

So today, I figured out why we doubt! We doubt because we make people to be our own ideas of perfection, then the minute they don’t live up to it, we doubt them.  We never want to believe the worse of them because we only recognized and flourish their great side, never once do we flourish their bad side.

 

The fault lies in us.

 

So until next time, don’t make people to be godly, accept that they aren’t as great we think they are. Just as accept them as they are, bad side, tempers and heavy snoring including!

 

Ciao

 

XoXo