M.I.A

M.I.A

 

I have been missing in action for so long, that my name should be MIA.

 

I am so sorry, to like the five people who follow this horrible blog.

University life has been dragging me down. To those who watch the news, or those that manage to hear about what is happening in South African universities, yes, I have been affected by the #FEESMUSTFALL movement. My education has been placed on hold, but my university has encouraged us to continue studying.

I am (hopefully) going to be writing exams.

Anyways, that was not the point of this blog post.

I wanted to inform everyone that I plan to publish a novel of mine. I am an avid Wattpad user, and have been using the app for years. One of my novels has already been published, which sadly is far above what any normal person can afford – and I totally get that!

So, with this new novel, Falling Innocently, I want to go the traditional route and find a publisher in South Africa to publish.

I’ve been thinking about doing things right this time round. Proper exposure, have giveaways on my Facebook page and my Wattpad page, hopefully I’ll try and get an official author page and stuff. When I do get into serious business about publishing, I’ll be active on Twitter as well. Who knows, I’ll even get Snapchat! But as for now, I do keep my Instagram busy and up-to-date with all my activities I do plan.

So, follow the links and follow me for more updates. Hopefully, things will go smoothly and I can get things on the road. Please share, and let me know if you know anyone who could help me in my endeavours. I will be truly appreciative.

 

 

Be a Gentle Advisor, Not a Discourager

 

Assalaamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatu

I am so sorry for the prolonged absence but third year keeps me so busy with studying and not to mention my writing. Between those two, my life is a mess.

But the reason for this post is that I have a burning desire to share my unpopular opinion. Yeah, yeah, go ahead and roll your eyes at me.

So, I love going on Facebook in between  studying and trying to manage to live a bit to take a break. And not to mention, I love going through that ask for help/guidance pages.

There is this one very popular page where you get people from all over posting their problems and asking for advice. Now, I’ve been regularly on this page and I only offered advice once.

My reason is simple: you have self-proclaimed learned people, or opinionated people who hate that you disagree with their opinion because they are quick to lash back at your opinion where you disagree with the much hated “I am entitled to my own opinion!”

So, for that reason, I stay away. I am in no mood to turn acidic and nasty to fellow Muslims who wish to advise, but not be advised.

Anyway, getting back on track. I read many, many posts where the “advisors” are quick to label the young girls as stupid and immature and bash them. Yet if they are a married woman, they are quick to sympathise and offer support. So, what, are young and unmarried girls not of those who require guidance? Do they not require gentleness? Do they not require some care? Or are they to be blamed critically and harshly for their immaturity and youthfulness? Should we not be lending them more guidance, more support than a married woman?

Both made their choices. But a young girl often has no support structure. She is probably in a stage in her life where she is pressured into making decisions.

Have our married sisters forgot what it is like to be in their 20s? Unmarried, confused and alone? Have they forgot that every girl is different? Each one is brought up differently with a different support structure, or no support structure at all in some cases?

After all, the girls of this era are all educating themselves in some form or the other and they are already pressurised with university course work, they most probably already have household troubles or social troubles or friendship troubles, they could even be venturing into the “real” world of work and you are so quick to pass down judgment on them.

I implore you to think before you advise a girl. They do not have the same outlook on life that you as a married woman have. You have probably by now already realised the error of your youthful mistakes and thus you have no right at all to be guilting the young girl. You should not be belittling her and making her feel worse about herself.

Yes, she may have made mistakes but does she need you to parade them in her face as well? Does she need you to tell her how wrong she is? Does she need you to be degrading her and calling her names?

No.

She needs some support. Some words of comfort. If you feel the need to tell her about her faults, do so gently. Make sure that your comment is not entirely centred on her mistakes and faults.

Now, I have a distinctive post in mind. Here, a university student speaks about how a relationship (it sounded “safe” -to me, at least) developed between her and an older married man. He had proposed to her but she asked for time. During that time he helped her with her studying etc. When the sort of relationship came to light, her parents refused because she would be a co-wife.

She asked for help.

What did she get?

Character bashing.

Is it right? Was it the right thing to do, as one Muslim to another?

No!

Yes, I agree. She was wrong. She was at fault. She was not completely blameless. Her conduct was wrong. Her continuing the “relationship” with him after asking for time was wrong. Her allowing him to help her with her university course work when they are not married, is wrong.  But weren’t we advised to advise one another in private?

But I get that she is asking for help on a public forum. Why shouldn’t you advise her there? There is no reason not to advise her. Just word it in a way that you do not make her feel embarrassed and small for her mistakes. Do you not think she is already suffering at home in some form or another? Do you not see that perhaps she thought that a bunch of Muslim sisters (and brothers) would be able to advise her objectively? Without judging her and critically analysing her faults alone?

The man is 30! He was a father and a married man. He too was at fault. Why should you be only labelling her as a homewrecker and a homebreaker? He too indulged her, spoiling her with attention. Why has no one called him out on his faults?

It is unfair to lay blame at one doorstep alone.

Instead of criticising her every action, someone should have offered her advice to become a better Muslimah. Someone should have told her that it is not too late for repentance and that Allah’s mercy is all encompassing. It will outweigh her wrong. All she needs to do is repent and stay away.

Did anyone think like this?

No. Because we women make other women feel inferior and then we are quick to jump and blame men for doing the same. But a man will not respect a woman who was disrespected by another woman.

We are constantly raising our women to have self doubt and lower their self worth. Do you not realise that this makes it easier for a man to sway her in the future? Offer her a few compliments and she’ll readily commit zina.

No, we women need to raise stronger women who realise that a few pretty words mean nothing until the Nikkah is done. So, we need to stop bashing other women for their faults. Help them. Teach and offer advice gently.

So, I hereby implore everyone reading this, to take a second before you advise anyone. You never know what effect your words could have on them. To someone who is suicidal and asking for help indirectly, you may be the catalytic opinion who makes them choose death over life, or you may be the one to save them.

You do not know the full circumstance of the person, thus you cannot make judgements, you merely offer advice.

Well, until next time,

Ciao!

xoxo

Little Heavens create huge hells

Little Heavens create Huge Hells

UGH. Literally, that has become my emotion. Ever since the start of second semester, my patience and tolerance levels have been extremely low, despite the fact that Ramadhaan ended like a month or two ago. I have had the most awful time trying to remain patient, but it is super difficult.

It is not that I don’t have faith in my Lord, but being patient itself is so difficult. I guess, that is why it is such a great reward to be patient. BUT, that doesn’t mean I have the patience of a saint. Because, God, oh God that would have been great.

So, in my class, we have a know-it-all madam, and she generalises on a lot of things. She has an extremely narrow mind. Although, what is worse than that is that she disrupts the entire class with pointless anecdotes of her life. Like, I don’t see what that has anything to do with me, my life, OR MY EDUCATION!

Anyway, yesterday she didn’t come into class and I made so much thanks to Allah that she didn’t because we got through the lecture easily and quickly, and furthermore, the class was quiet. It was such a tranquil day, it was peaceful and most of all, enjoyable. I had forgotten what it was like to be in class where her opinions aren’t shoved down your throat. It was like {Allah forgive me for saying this} but like a mini Heaven.

I had enjoyed my day. I laughed and spoke freely to my friends, joked off with the lecturers and things, and no one was there to pass commentary on my thoughts, ideas or anything.

It is in times like those when I realise just how annoying sometimes I can be. But, it is also because of people like her, do I think about how annoying I might be if I never shut my mouth. If I keep on chatting non-stop, am I creating a huge hell for someone else?

Probably.

But that is exactly the reason why I am usually the quiet girl in class. Because, I am opinionated and I hate talking aloud to idiots. I am not about to be the one chatting up a storm –verbally.

Wedding bashers

Wedding bashers

In my class, we have a very controversial girl. She barely keeps her opinions to herself and almost half the class gets annoyed with her, but because we are all supposedly well behaved, and well matured adults, we try as much as we can to ignore her existence.

However, unlike me, there are some kind and generous souls who talk to her and indulge her in conversations. I do regret that I am not acting like the typical Muslim, who should be tolerant and accepting of our differences, although, I am sticking to the advice of our Prophet Muhammad SAW, and being quiet when I have nothing nice to say. So, in one way I do not feel bad. Anyway, one of the girls in the class had a conversation with her and they got into a heated argument regarding marriage.

Now, before we get into their conversation –here’s my point of view on marriage. It is something sacred and it should be based on respect more than love. The more you respect someone, the more you will love them, however, there should be some chemistry between the two people who want to get married. Based on …observations, the time frame of knowing someone does not determine your relationship. Even after knowing someone for ten years, it will still not be enough for your marriage because you may be incompatible and that ‘dating’ time gave room to play the field.

Marriage should be about complete commitment and contentment.

But, now we get into their view. So, the annoying girl, Y, has the view that marriage is a ball and chain type of thing. It is a lot more than a piece of paper. She believes that you need an adequate time frame to know someone before marrying them, but ultimately, she believes that marriage must be done. She doesn’t believe in life partners. She thinks that if you want to stay together: put a ring on it.

However, the other girl, Z, said that marriage should not be rushed. She has been dating her boyfriend for a couple of years and yet she feels like she doesn’t know him well enough. Pause –like what the heck???

Excuse me??? How can you date that long and not put in the effort to know the person inside and out? (NB! They are not Muslim girls!) To me, that basically means that there was no effort in the relationship and that their relationship is just a namesake. Excuse me, but I will not date that long and not be married.

But you see, this is the problem with our modernised girls. I do not say that there is anything wrong with being modern –but it has made us become far too independent on ourselves that we do not know how to keep and maintain relationships. This is our problem, so instead of fixing and solving out inner insecurities, we turn to bash the institution of marriage.

Selfie game strong?

Selfie game strong?
So, kind of a lot of things happened this week on campus. There was some wedding bashing –coming up in my next post, and then, the sudden realisation that my selfie game is definitely not strong at all!
I mean, everyone knows that there is a science to taking selfies, right? Getting the perfect angle, the right type of natural light, getting the right good side of your face, etc. So, as it was raining in the week and I was waiting for my lift (I am trying to seem cool, but in reality I was just waiting for my dad. Ignore that info!) inside the glass doors of the entrance foyer. Exiting the canteen were two, super pretty white girls under an umbrella. It was nothing out of the ordinary, except for the part where I saw the one girl whip out her phone, and then as they took shelter under the umbrella they took a damn selfie!
It is raining cats and dogs and little beasts, and yet you want to capture the moment of you and your bestie under the umbrella in the foul weather? What on earth is wrong with you?? Like all my mind can process is, Must reach warmth. There is no way on earth that I could even worry about taking a selfie!
Not only that, I am terrible at taking selfies!
Seriously, I don’t think there could be anyone worse than me at taking selfies. But at least, I have enough brains not to do it outside when it is raining! It is like the stronger a person’s selfie game has gone, the less brains they have. Have our smartphones actually reduced us to this state mind numbness that we don’t realise just how dumb we are?

Signs of a pampered pooch

Signs of a pampered pooch

So, it was first day back to campus for me –after a month and some days of holiday. I guess you can say I was out of practice in dealing with people. And after watching The DUFF movie last night, I can’t help feeling like the DUFF.
But, I used to be cool with being invisible, now it’s like ‘NO!’ But regardless of that nasty fact, I sat observing people. I do mean, casually observing people, not stalking them. And one thing that stuck out to me was how some people can be such Beverley Hills’ Chihuahuas.
What do I mean by that?
Well, simple. The fact that they think they are entitled to special treatment because of
(A) who they are, (B) because of who their parents are, (C) how much of money they have –whether old money or new money.
Who the heck do you think you are to come and act superior because of some bank balance or blood in your veins? But more than that, why do you think that everyone needs to bow down and suddenly acquiesce to your demands, just because of who you are?
Like, I do not agree with that in the slightest. It doesn’t matter who you are, you need to make your own name in the world and you need to be your own person.
I cannot handle people who think the world needs to bow down to them. Simple reminder, you are not God! So, I will not be bowing down to you.
So, signs of a pampered pooch.
Number one: They literally expect everything to go their way.
Number two: They are the exception to every rule they make.
Number three: They are indecisive about nearly everything. Including something as simple as choosing a chocolate bar to eat.
Number four: They always and I mean always, get bad service –anywhere!
Number five: No matter how much of money they get from daddy, it is never enough!
Number six: In relation to the above, they never ‘have money’ but, they always have money to go shopping.
How on earth, does that even happen???
Number seven: They are always, and always, late to class without so much as an apology.
Number eight: Later than fifteen minutes to class means that they can skip the lecture.
Literally, I roll my eyes at that. Dude, wake up frikking early! Hey, if ninety percent of the class can be on time, guess what, so can you! It’s not a damn miracle.
Number nine: The amount of money spent on their education does not matter, because, hey daddy can fork out some more.
I have had some firsthand experience on this one. Education can take a back seat. Beauty sleep is more important, even when you are repeating the module.
Now that you’ve seen some of my signs of a pampered pooch and the Beverley Hills’ Chihuahua, let me know if you have any!

I love you, mama!

Thank you, mama!

So, with Eid on our doorstep, I want you to take a step back and reflect. This Ramadaan, how many of you got up for Suhoor and actually made the breakfast or whatever it is that your family eats? Did you tell your mother or wife or whoever prepares the food for Suhoor that you will do it?
No?
You didn’t tell them to take a day, more precisely, a morning off?
No, don’t feel bad. This is now the time to pray for them sincerely and ask Allah to grant them the best in this world and the Aakhirah. Ask Allah to accept their fasts and sacrifices for the family and reward them for it.
Wallah, I cannot tell you how much I love and respect my mother for doing it for me. Despite me being able to help her, she allows me to sleep in the morning while she groggily wakes up and drags her tired feet to the floor just so that she can prepare the breakfast for us.
I cannot thank her enough for it, nor can I tell her how much I appreciate all that she does for me and my pesky brothers. I love you mama! And I make dua that Allah grants you a long and healthy life, that He gives you all the ease in this duniya and the Aakhirah. I make dua that all your sacrifices and tears, cause Allah to build you a palace as big and beautiful as your heart. You mean the world to me.
Anyway, you always have the power of dua to show your appreciation for that person. And, not to forget, Eid is a looooooooooong day. Trust me. Ours is on Saturday, but the food preparations began yesterday already.

“Allah works in mysterious ways”

“Allah works in mysterious ways”
I say nope!
I was listening to the radio today, and one of the presenters was talking about he thinks that the English language is so inadequate. Like that simple adage is so well accepted that we never thought about how, in a sense, it is wrong.
Allah does not work in ‘mysterious’ ways, Allah simply works in ways that is best for us. Just because we do not understand something, or just because we never in thought of going in that direction, it does not mean that the way it has come about is ‘mysterious’.
Why is it that our curious, human nature needs to be satisfied with everything? Why is it that we need to know the means to which a solution was found to the problem? Why can we not just accept that Allah knows what is best for us, and trust that He will not harm us directly?
Shouldn’t we try to live on a need to know basis? Like (I know at this point everyone is going to slaughter me) in Breaking Dawn of the (in)famous Twilight Saga, Bella’s dad found out about Jake being a werewolf, but he didn’t go into the nitty gritty of it all. He decided that if he could see Bella –even though since she was basically a vamp and tons of things had changed about her –it would be enough, because he said he could live on a ‘need to know basis’.
I think by adopting that process to most things in our lives, a lot of fights would be avoided. A lot less complications will arise and we could all try to be happier.
So, no, just because we do not and cannot understand the reasoning behind Allah’s plans, it does not make His ways and decisions a ‘mysterious way’. It simply means that we do not need to know the reason to it. And you need to learn to trust Him and yourself.

Niqaab on, niqaab off?

Niqaab on, niqaab off? (Face veil on, face veil off?)
So many Muslim women around the globe have adhered to the teachings of the final Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him) and wear their face veils.
Scores of them wear it correctly, Alhamdulillah for that fact. However, a greater amount of those women do not wear it correctly. How should they wear it correctly?
Everything, except the eyes should be covered.
Some allow the hands –as in the palms and fingers to be open. So with that in mind, it is obvious that the forehead and cheeks should be covered, including your eyebrows which not be shaped. Uha, I went there!
Yes, shaping your eyebrows has Allah’s curse on you. Now, I don’t know about you, but personally I know that I have enough sins without Allah’s curse upon me, why would I ask for that too?!
Anyway, moving on. To all the brave, amazing and obedient women wearing it, to all the women wearing it correctly, may you attain Paradise.

To those who wear it, yet incorrectly may you find the strength to wear it correctly.
Yet, to the other hundreds of women who wear the niqaab for reasons other than fulfilling Allah’s commands, you and I need to have a serious heart to heart. Written in no particular order, I have issues with these.

1. The women who wear it yet raise their voices and show eyebrows
The entire point is to hide your beauty from these lowlife scumbags lusting after you. Harsh? Yeah it may be, but seriously though, the point is to protect yourself –among the many other various reasons for this.
But okay, let me paint you a very vivid picture. One day, I was in the line at the supermarket in a highly Muslim area. I had the trolley in my hands and my grandmother was next to me. In front of us are two ladies –who could have been mid thirties or so –in full black from head to toe, although their eyebrows stuck out and they were yelling.
I can’t remember much of it since I was like nine or ten years old when it all happened, but somehow or the other, I think one of the niqaab ladies bumped into my granny and did not bother to apologise or anything and my granny told her that she should be at least humble enough to apologise. So, the lady starts screaming at her and saying things, but then my granny points out that since she is in niqaab, it is her duty not to raise her voice and yell at all.
However, the lady went on and on, but we just eventually ignored it all. My point however, is that niqaab is a duty and a responsibility. The rewards as always outweigh the ‘difficulties’ you have to face, but sometimes you need to know what you are walking into.

2. The selfie niqaabi
My gosh, I really have a low tolerance for these. Typically, these are categorically aged as the teenagers to mid-twenties niqaab wearers. The title itself says A LOT. But allow me to elaborate.
In my twisted mind, I believe that by wearing your niqaab, you are placing yourself as a role model to those who do not wear niqaab and therefore you have a greater duty to the community. Furthermore, you should be displaying more hayaa, more modesty and self worth and self respect than most other women. Especially those women who chose to wear niqaab.
Have some self respect and do not aim to take selfies. The flash from the camera highlights the very features that your niqaab is meant to hide away. Who do you insist on wearing niqaab to protect yourself from the gazes of men, yet your Instagram account is public and filled with your thousands of niqaab selfies? Why are you avoiding the temptation of men yet you are highlighting your beauty by taking that selfie?
I just don’t understand it all!

3. The half face niqaabi wannabee
Okay, so this category is about those ladies who shape their eyebrows and put make up on to darken their eyelashes and eyebrows and whatever else they need to do to beautify themselves for that moment to take that ‘niqaabi selfie’.
What is the half face niqaab? Why, it is merely a piece of cloth tied across the lower part of the bridge of their nose and tucked/tied behind their ears. Kinda like what belly dancers wore back in the day.
Please, do inform me of what is the point of this half niqaab? It defeats the purpose anyway.

4. The niqaabi with no manners, no hayaa
Oh jeeeeez. This one irritates me.
What if, for example there is someone who ties her niqaab properly –yet, in front of my father and brother –two people she CAN marry –she does not wear her niqaab. More than that, her hair pokes out of her scarf in a blindingly obvious manner.
She always raises her voice in their presence. In her shop, her niqaab remains off, yet the minute she gets into the car she puts it back on. She sits in the company of strange men, yet her niqaab remains off.
What point is there in wearing niqaab if you go on holiday and the niqaab is off? Niqaab should not be a fashion statement. It should be part of your way of life.
In putting out this blog, I am not trying to belittle anyone nor am I trying to publicise your faults. I am merely trying to show you how you should be. This is meant to be humourous (I hope it is) and highlight what is wrong with these people.
I should also mention that I do know many people who wear it correctly. They are soft spoken, do not raise their voices, etc etc. They are my role models.

http://https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTxkcGRZhgRAMQi6P5BFur7kCdatYoFtuoNJJehnGqSkaCvsaufrA

Modesty

Hayaa

Now, what does Hayaa translate to and mean? Shyness, bashfulness, self-respect and most importantly, modesty.

All of these characteristics form part of what an ideal Muslim should aspire to be. Modesty is an innate characteristic of the religion of Islam. Not only should we aspire to be modest, act modest and dress modestly, but we should also strive to imitate the Sahabah RA.

But, your thoughts should also be modest. Because thoughts become actions. Anyway, modesty.

Your Hayaa,  it is a vital thing in Islam. Modesty prevents all sorts of things from happening to you. I know I once read something terrible and horrifying about a Muslim girl’s rape. The fault is very, very slightly hers. She walked home alone after dark, but sick and disgusting minded men who did not have one ounce of decency and self respect, raped her.

However, the fact that she was modestly dressed did not matter. They stole her innocence and degraded her and ate away her happiness. How could such sick minded, disgusting low lives do that? They had shamed her and made her feel suicidal. But how could they have lost their humanity to such a degree that they lost all sense of self control and respect?

Has humanity come to such a degree that they cannot tell the difference between animal and human? Have we really lost all sense of modesty? Of shyness and bashfulness?

Are we that disconnected from our Lord?

Modesty is an ingrained characteristic that should help us stay in touch with our human nature. Shying away from evil and anything that would cause displeasure to our Lord. But it goes more than that.

I know so many people who wear niqaab, the face veil, yet they have absolutely no modesty. What use is wearing the niqaab if you are yelling across the table? Is your voice not the part of your body which you should take caution in? Because a woman’s voice can lead to making men aroused and what not. It could lead to all kinds of unwanted trouble. So, when you wear niqaab, your voice should not be raised and heard by everyone in the room.

Furthermore, your modesty is quite an attractive trait. It shows that you value yourself and you do not appreciate being objectified in a manner to be lusted on and by  men. It shows that you are patient enough to wait for someone to appreciate your true worth, not just any fool who thinks that a girl who does not want to be modest is better. Easy to come, is easy to go.

But truly. Just think for a second. If you dress as you were instructed by Allah –where your body shape is not shown nor revealed, where your hair is covered and you have very little to no make up on. This would mean that you are taking every precaution so as not to incite and cause men to lust after you. And that precaution could mean the difference between gaining entry into heaven and hell.

So, the next time you want to do something or dress up, think about whether or not it is modest. Because it is better to be safe rather than sorry.